I've been feeling depressed and bummed the fuck out since arriving here...


I go to the chow hall for each meal, then it's back to my cell to sleep. If I don't snap out of this spell I'm going to go mad.

Went to the yard today. The yard is fucking huge! On the real... A nigga was kind of nervous. Don't get it twisted though, your boy ain't no sucker. You just start thinking about all those penitentiary flicks you've seen as a kid, and in all those flicks, when the shit jumped off it was always in the yard or the chow hall. The real reason I went to the yard is because I was in desperate need of some fresh air. The sun was blinding when I went out. Niggas was hitting the weights, playing handball, basketball and tennis. It's some funny shit when you see Blood gang members playing tennis. Pants sagging, smoking cigars during the serves. Crazy...
Anyway, the yard has two full basketball courts, two tennis courts, four handball courts, a big ass jogging track and a miniature golf course. Tiger Woods really got mother fuckers gassed up, because niggas is really trying to get they golf on. 

I ran into Randy while I was walking around the yard and he asked me if I knew a nigga named Gold T. Now me and Gold T go way back. In the mid-80's we did a lot of dirt together and I knew back then he was a stand up kind of nigga. I always respected him and I would always run into his ass up town. Apparently it's a big thing to New Yorkers when another New York nigga pops up on the yard. Word got around that there was a new nigga from Brooklyn and all the Brooklyn cats from other units came to see who I was. I met Finger, Jaquan, Flatbush Black, Saquan and about 16 other niggas. A couple of us even went to the same high school (Boys and Girls High)... Small world ain't it? The one nigga I did know, Gold T was in the hole and would be getting out later that day. They told me to just come to the chow hall at dinner time and I would see him. I was excited. I ain't see my man in over a decade.

Talked to my grandmother today. Just hearing her voice fucks me up. I don't think I'll call as much.

The shit I witnessed tonight I'll never forget... EVER! The guard called "CHOW" for Killer-K, as usual Bud was one of the first people out the door. He did stop by my cell to ask if I was going to eat. Now, maybe it's me, but Bud made a statement that kinda caught me off guard. "They're having chicken... FRIED CHICKEN!" That's how he said it, "FRIED CHICKEN!" Like fried chicken was gonna have me flying to the chow hall. Anyway, I put my shoes on and went to the chow hall. (You know damn well that a nigga ain't gonna miss no fried bird.) The chow hall is a huge area that holds about three hundred people. On the left side you can find all the white people, Mexicans and the Christians seated together, each in their own section. On the right side you find all the Brothas... Blacks, Cubans, Puerto Ricans, etc. The funny thing about the chow hall is that even though we are all black we still self segregate. Bloods, Crips, East Coast, West Coast, Dirty South, etc. The funny thing is Bud. Bud will sit anywhere and for some reason no group really trips. Anyway, after chow I was going to the gym. Jaquan said a nigga owed him some weed and he'd break me off a lil something if I come on down. Fuck that! Joints is going for 10 dollars a pop. The hustle don't stop. As I'm leaving the chow hall a guard pulled me over to shake me down. On the floor next to the guard was a clear plastic bag full of fried chicken. (confiscated from inmates trying to sneak a late night snack back to the units) I asked the guard what they do with all the chicken they confiscate. He told me they "send it to homeless black children in Compton." Was that suppose to be funny? Usually, after leaving the chow hall I make a left and head back to K-unit, but tonight I made a right... If only I had made that left. I made the right turn for the free weed and I wanted to see if Gold T was in the gym. As I'm walking to the gym, guess who's walking right towards me? It's Gold T... He doesn't recognize me... I'm older, my hair is cut short and I'm damn near weighing 240lbs., but I know it's him immediately.


A Flatbush cat and a Cali nigga tripped out on each other today...

They world premiered Biggie's new video today. Hands down it's the hottest shit out... PERIOD! My man Universal, from Fort Green was on that Brooklyn shit for real. To me it seemed as if Universal was trying to taunt the Cali niggas that was in the unit with his over exaggerated hand jesters and head bobbing. I mean, don't get it twisted, that Brooklyn bullshit I'm on it too, but we out here in these niggas spot. These Cali niggas worship 2pac out here. Anyway, this Crip nigga named Gary kind of got in his feelings and shut the TV off in  the middle of the video. Universal called him a "bitch ass nigga" and proceeded to beat the shit out of him. Gary went to the hospital, Universal went to the hole and everybody else in Killer-K got locked in their cell for the rest of the day. I think I'm gonna start this big ass big called "The Stand." Budd read it before and said it was "Awesome!" We'll see...


Got a celli today...

They tried to put a Mexican in the cell with me at first. I wasn't really trippin but, Randy schooled me real quick. Ethnic races don't mix. Apparently the Mexican's homies must have took him to the side also, because he ain't even unpack his shit. He ended up moving downstairs to the flats with another Mexican.

The unit manager let me use the phone to call home today. I called my grandmother. As soon as I heard her voice my eyes grew misty. She filled me in on what was going on with my family. Apparently my sister Nay-Nay is doing very well. My brother Karonday is doing what he do. I've also got a niece named Aisis that I haven't seen yet. I love that name. Anyway I shot my grandmother my info so she could send me some loot. I hate borrowing shit from niggas. Especially flip-flops, which are mandatory if you want to wash your ass in those filthy ass stalls.

By the time I got off the phone with my grandmother I had a new cellie. His name is Rob. An older brotha from Florida. We hit it off pretty good. The one thing that stands out most about Rob is the fact that this nigga got a HUMONGOUS HEAD... Giant! I even started calling him Big Rob. He doesn't seem to mind.


Just my luck... 

Bud is in the cell right next to me. As soon as I walked in the cell the weight of the situation hit me. The room consisted of a bunk bed, and a toilet/ sink combo. The floors are cold concrete. The only positive thing is the fact that I don't have a cell-mate yet, so I have my choice of the top or bottom bunk. I chose the top because  the air vent blows directly on me. 

I didn't even have time to piss before Bud showed up. He wanted me to ask somebody for a cigarette. That kind of pissed me off, so I responded kind of heatedly, "Nigga, you ask somebody!" But as I looked around I understood. The majority of the people were either black or brown. Bud was a part of the minority.

I introduced myself to a couple of niggas playing the tier. I told them I'm fresh in. They immediately asked if I was from New York. I think my accent gave me away. They introduced me to a nigga named Randy, from Brooklyn. The coldest coincident is that Randy lived right around the corner from me on Putnam Ave. We talked for a while and he hooked me up with a little care package, which consisted of soap, deodorant,toothpaste, a few snacks and of course cigarettes. I gave Bud a pack on the promise that he give me two packs back in return... The HUSTLE never stops.


Getting processed in was time consuming...

They took my clothes and shoes and issued me prison garb. Brown khaki pants with matching shirts, three pair of boxers and three tee shirts. I was also issued bedding which consisted of two sheets, a pillow, pillow case and one blanket. I wrapped everything up in the blanket and followed the guard to the unit that would house me. I was hoping that crazy fucker Bud would go to a different unit, but unfortunately no such luck. As we approached the unit I noticed a sign that read "K-UNIT." On top of the sign someone had scribbles the word "KILLER." I was almost sure that Bud noticed this also. The guard unlocked the unit door, handed Bud and I a card that contained our pictures and other information and with a stupid smirk told us to enjoy our stay in California. "Welcome to Killer-K, mother fuckers." I know me and this bitch ass guard gonna have some beef.


His name is Robert Bud...

He told me to just call him Bud. This has got to be the nerdiest dude I've ever seen in my life. He's bi-racial, Asian and white with blotchy skin. His hair is in desperate need of a wash. We were in the holding cell waiting to get processed in. I sat with my back to the wall as he paced the floor nervously. He kept asking me if I thought he would need a shank. How the hell should I know? All this shank talk was making me antsy. Finally they called my name and processed me in. The Guard asked me if I felt suicidal, I told him no, but in the back of my mind I imagined Bud slitting his wrist right in front of him.


The plane ride to California depressed the shit out of me...

I realized then that it would be ten years before I flew in a plane again. Shit, it would be ten years before I do anything I truly enjoy again.
After the plane landed we were hustled onto a fortified bus. With chains attached to my wrist, waist and ankles I couldn't help but think about the mini-series, "ROOTS." There were so many black and brown faces on the bus I was embarrassed for my race. What the fuck are we doing to ourselves black people? As we pulled up to Lompoc Federal Penitentiary the sun made a retreat behind a cluster of clouds. As I looked at my new home I noticed that a hush had come upon the bus. The building intimidates you immediately. So huge and cold I swear that if it had a drawbridge attache to it you would expect Skeletor to greet you.
I am scared, but I have promised myself that I will not let it show.