C RAT

C Rat got caught jacking off in his cell again today. I realize niggas have needs, but this mother fucker chokes the chicken about 5 times a day. First off C Rat has priors for whipping his dick out whenever a female guard comes by his cell. At first I thought it funny, but then I got to thinking that maybe the nigga has some kind of mental problem. I've always been under the assumption that women could see a dick and be like "Oh, whatever." Men on the other hand are just the opposite. All I have to see is a hint of some titties and I'm ready to go. Shit, just the other day I jacked off to a picture of Barbara Walters. Why?... Because she had a little cleavage action going on. C Rat and I were the only ones watching TV this morning (music videos) when this beautiful girl in a bikini graces the screen. C Rat is like, "Damn, that bitch is bad!" I definitely had to agree with him. And then he said, "Yo, Hype don't turn the TV. I'll be right back. I'm about to go fuck that bitch." This nigga saw a bitch for 15 seconds and now he's going to jack off to her. That's crazy, but that's C Rat.Dudes that have priors for flashing female guards, caught jerking off by a female guard, or saying anything sexual to a female guard are required to wear a red card around their necks. Needless to say, C Rat has one of these cards. The story goes that C Rat was caught masturbating by female guards so much that not only does he have to wear the red card, but he is also not allowed to place his hands in his pockets around female guards either. Now I've seen C Rat do some freaky shit. For example, sniffing the chair a female guard has recently occupied. Licking the lipstick stained coffee cup a female guard has just thrown away, and the list goes on. But nothing tops the story that Killer Boom told me about C Rat. Apparently, C Rat had a huge crush on a female guard that worked in the kitchen of the chow hall. C Rat was a kitchen worker and had been caught several times by this woman stroking the Alabama Black Snake. One morning this female guard had all the kitchen workers seated. She was reading to them some new rules regarding the handling of knives. For obvious reasons this woman tended to avoid direct eye contact with C Rat. C- Rat played it cool and listened attentively, but something kept distracting her. It was C Rat... C Rat was tapping his his right foot up and down, as if he was listening to a B.B. King song. This must have annoyed her, because she motioned for a male guard to come in. She said something to the guard and he asked C Rat to come with him. The guard frisked C Rat and then asked him to remove his shoes. They found nothing. That is until they stripped searched him. What they found is something so funny that I can barely write this without laughing my ass off. C Rat had tied a piece of dental floss around the big toe of his right foot and ran it up his leg where he tied it off on his dick. His dick!! Only a crazy person would think of some shit like that. C Rat is the only person I have ever heard of that found a way to jack his dick off with his foot. There really is a thin line between genius and Crazy... That's it for now, they're about to do mail call...