37) WORD IS BOND


I was born addicted to heroin...

My mother is a junkie. As a child I prayed my mother would die. Not because I hated her, I just hated seeing what this drug was doing to her. In my younger years I was shuttled back and forth between my mother, Zenee and my grandmother, Thesia. I dreaded leaving my grandmother to go back to my mother. Once, when I was six my mother left me and my 3 year old brother inside of a dope house for two days. I remember it clearly, because I felt so helpless. My brother kept repeating over and over, "I'm hungry, I'm hungry." We got water from a leaking fire hydrant outside of the the abandoned building we were left at, but water does nothing for a hungry belly. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I walked with my brother to the corner store and stole four Slim Jim. It was the first time I had ever stolen anything in my life. I felt bad, but I figured G-D would forgive me.  I thought about going to the police, but nobody wants to be the cause of their mother going to jail. My brother ate three Slim Jim and I ate one. My brother fell asleep on the hard floor shortly after, but I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. There were roaches all over the place and it smelled like piss. Why is this happening to me I asked? A couple of hours later a fight broke out between two dope fiends. The female I knew by name.... Candice. The man she was arguing with was unknown to me, but by the time it was all over the man had stabbed Candice in the neck and I knew it was time to get out of there. These are my earliest memories of time spent with my mother.


Zenee wrote me today. She is dying. She has AIDS. The last time I spoke to my mother I had just turned 12 years old. My last words to her were, "Never fucking speak to me again." I gave my WORD to myself that I would never speak to her again as long as I'm alive. My WORD is my BOND and I have never broken it and I'm sure not gonna start now. My family has begged me to make peace with her, but I refuse. My mother is dead to me, but my WORD and my BOND are very much alive.



7 comments:

  1. Mike, is this something you wrote recently or while you were in prison?

    <3

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  2. Everything on this blog is from my prison journals... Word for word, except for the misspellings.

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  3. *sigh*

    So your mother has passed...

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  4. Hey Hype, So did you ever "make peace" with your mom?? Or do I need to keep reading to find out?
    Also, is there ever going to be anything that you leave out?

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  5. 1981 was the last time I spoke with my mother.She passed away on Sept.18, 1999... 6 years before my release date.

    I never made peace with my mother...

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  6. I can't help but wonder if you have made mental peace with her?

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  7. Awww Mike this is so sad......
    I know I am late but, I just came a across your blog

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