42) C-RAT SCORES?... KINDA...



Freak is better than me at Scrabble... 

Not just better, this nigga is a monster! He beats me on average by a 120 points. Now I consider myself a pretty smart guy, book as well as street wise, but Freak's vocabulary is incredible. I find myself constantly challenging his words, but they are always there. The funny thing about Freak, other than his name is his hair. The nigga wears a perm. Not just a perm, but one of those old-school, Superfly 1970's doo. To top it off the nigga is BLACK. Not just black, I'm talking country black. The nigga is so black that when the guards do their count at night they usually have to wake him up so that they know a person is in the bed and it's not just some kind of shadow. Now don't get me wrong, I like Freak, ( No homo.) but the hair thing always throws me for a loop. Maybe it's just a Bay Area thing, but I have to constantly bust his balls about it. (No homo.)

I think C-Rat is getting some major play from one of the new female guards. Correctional Officer Brown is about 25 years old. She weighs about 215lbs and she stands at about 5 foot 5 with boots on. I know beauty is in the eye of
the beholder, but this bitch is bricked in the face. She reminds me of the pig from the animated version of Charlotte's Web. The fat from her midsection creates this weird effect through her shirt. It looks like whale blubber inside of a water balloon. 

I can talk all the shit I want about her, but the truth is I'd fuck her too. I can tell she has low self esteem, because she always avoids eye contact with the person she is talking to, but with C-Rat it's different. He's always complimenting her and noticing shit about her that no one else does. Today he asked her if she did something different with her hair. C.O. Brown giggled like an eighth grader and admitted that she had her ends cut. Score one for C-Rat. I've also noticed that she spends a lot of time standing at C-Rat's cell door talking to him. I mean real conversations about real world topics. The inmates in the unit love it, because it gives us a chance to do other shit (gambling, drinking, getting high) with out wondering where the unit guard is. 
The fact that C-Rat wears the pervert card around his neck doesn't seem to bother her. I'll give it 2 weeks before C-Rat makes his move. Secretly, I believe every inmate in Killer-K is rooting for the nigga. We'll see what happens.

41) No, fuck you Foots!


Needles left today... 

He said he couldn't sleep at all last night. I'm happy for him yet I'm still sad. All of his earthly belongings fit inside one small paper bag. All those years spent here and his whole life fits inside a paper bag. Everyone was scrambling to get the shit he wasn't taken with him. All I wanted was his jock itch cream. My nuts still itch. 
Believe it or not that mother fucker finished every tattoo he was commissioned to do. I saw all of them except for Foots. I don't like Foots at all! He's a fucking bully, but only fucks with people he knows are not going to fight back. When needles left this morning two other people from Killer-K were leaving also. I can't even remember ever seeing them before, yet I was still jealous. Everybody that was cool with Needles came by to wish him farewell. I was one of the first and I told him to,"stay the fuck out of trouble!" This made him laugh. Of course Foots came by with his hating ass. He gave Needles a drawing of a tat and told him, "when you come back nigga, that's the next tat you going to do for me." Only a truly hateful nigga would say some bullshit like that. Needles kept his cool and told Foots with a smile, "no problem." The guard unlocked the door to Killer-K and let the new releases out. Now the front door to each unit is made of steel, but the door also has about twenty small panes of glass embedded in it. One of the panes is missing, which allows the guards to pass items to each other without unlocking the door. (Trust and believe, us inmates use it too!) When Needles was safely out and the door locked behind him he stuck his face to the door opening and called out to Foots. Foots was standing on the third tier and Foots
being Foots yells down, "What, faggot!" Needles yells back up to him loud enough for the whole unit to hear... "I used the same needle to finish your tat that I used on Twin." I have never heard Killer-K get as quite as it did at that moment. Every eye was on Foots. Foots yells down, "yeah, right!" But I knew in my heart that Needles was not joking. I watched Needles make his way down the corridor. My nigga never looked back. Everyone knows Twin has AIDS. Now everyone knows that one day Foots may have it too. Every bully needs to be taught a lesson, but damn! 
Damn! ...I'll leave it at that.



40) BOOGIE

Shi Boogie hates The Beatles... 


Shi Boogie, AKA Shi Doo-Doo was a bank robber. From what I hear his crew was one of the best from Brooklyn. My day started off pretty good. I had just finished making myself a cup of coffee and went to the laundry room to wash a couple of loads. Every washer was empty. That's the equivalent of getting a parking space right at the front gate of Disney World... Sure it happens, but has it ever happen to you? I was sitting on the washer enjoying my Joe and cigarette, while singing John Lennon's "Imagine." I love that song. That's when Shi Boogie entered with his bag of laundry. I don't think I was singing very loud, but I did have my radio's volume up pretty high. Doo-Doo was staring at me like I had just been caught taking body shots off of his wife's bare ass. All I could say was, "What nigga!" Boogie started laughing and said, "Out of all the songs in the world, your ass is in here singing this bullshit...  John Lennon can eat a dick! ("No homo") Fuck him, Ringo, Paul (long pause here.).... and that other nigga!" And then Shi told me the story of his arrest...


Shi and his crew robbed banks in Manhattan on Motorcycles. The last bank job went terrible wrong. Three members of his crew went into the bank and three remained outside as look outs. As the three crew members exited the
bank, an off duty armed guard on the opposite side of the street tried to play superhero. He pulled out his gun and told the masked men to stop. The lone women in Shi's crew squeezed off one shot striking the guard. As the Three motorcycles sped off, a man inside of a limousine captured the heist gone wrong on camera. That man was Paul McCartney's brother. He turned the film over to NYPD and they caught everyone in the crew a few weeks later. Shi Boogie hates the Beatles, but to me The Beatles fucking rock!


39) GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!


My balls itch really bad!...

I've come down with a serious case of crotch rot. It feels like my nuts have been replaced by two beehives. I can't stop scratching them. I went to sick call this morning and told the Doc what was up. He said I have a serious case of jock itch. He prescribed some sort of cream that is suppose to clear it up in about a week. He said it's a fungus that I probably got from the water splashing off of the tiles in the nasty ass showers. I'm trying my best not to scratch my nuts around female guards. Don't want to end up like C-Rat on a fluke.


Needles got in it today with a tall black dude named Foots. (This makes the second person named Foots I've met in my life.) Foots feels that Needles is putting everyone else's tattoos before his. Fraction said that Needles told him not to worry and he'd finish it before he got released. I guess Foots didn't want to hear that and slapped the shit out of Needles in front of a small group of inmates. Foots demanded that Needles finish his tattoo before the weekend was out. What could Needles do? I mean, Foots is not a big guy but his body is chiseled to perfection. I've seen him in the shower once ("No Homo"!) and the nigga is cut the fuck up and ripped. Needles let it slide. I talked to needles right before lock down and asked him why he let a nigga punk him like that. He said, "I'm going home in five days, Hype. I'm not fucking that up for me and my family." I had to respect that. I like the kid and I hate to see him bullied around by a bitch nigga. I told him that there was no shame in going to segregation until his release, but he said people paid good money for their tats and he was gonna finish them all. Now that's what I call gangsta!



38) NEEDLES


I watched a man leave Killer-K to go home today... 


Seven years in here and he's making it out in one piece. I envy him. Needles is the next to leave and mother fuckers in the unit are upset. He is the best tattoo artist in the pen. I like the kid a lot. He's white, about 5 foot five and he keeps his hair long. Long hair in the pen is not really a good idea, because you're just giving the booty bandits a reason to fuck with you. Maybe it's because long hair is associated with being feminine...


Anyway, Needles is one of my main mans. I fuck with the kid because he is always cracking jokes and keeps your boy laughing. I like his vibe. Needles says he has to complete almost 23 tats in 17 days. I can't imagine going home in 17 days. What does it feel like? Is Needles nervous, scared, anxious? 

Needles beat me in Scrabble today. I had one tile left and Needles had four.
We were playing for the $675,000.00 dollars he owes me. (Only payable if one of us hits the lottery.) I was up almost a million dollars just last month. I knew he had a "C" in his hand because I put it back in the bag. There was no space on the board to get rid of the "C" so I knew I had his ass, and I told him so. He said, "If you're so sure bet it all!" You know me. "Fuck it, it's a bet nigga!" 
This mother fucker lays down "CWM" What the fuck kind of word is "CWM"? I add up his points and he's beating me by nine. If I challenge I'll lose a turn, but there is no way for me to score 9 point or better with one tile. I challenge and sure enough the mother fucking word is in there. Needles is so happy that he won he does a little dance that has my black ass laughing so hard I forget I'm in jail. I hate to admit it but I'm gonna miss this nigga.



37) WORD IS BOND


I was born addicted to heroin...

My mother is a junkie. As a child I prayed my mother would die. Not because I hated her, I just hated seeing what this drug was doing to her. In my younger years I was shuttled back and forth between my mother, Zenee and my grandmother, Thesia. I dreaded leaving my grandmother to go back to my mother. Once, when I was six my mother left me and my 3 year old brother inside of a dope house for two days. I remember it clearly, because I felt so helpless. My brother kept repeating over and over, "I'm hungry, I'm hungry." We got water from a leaking fire hydrant outside of the the abandoned building we were left at, but water does nothing for a hungry belly. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I walked with my brother to the corner store and stole four Slim Jim. It was the first time I had ever stolen anything in my life. I felt bad, but I figured G-D would forgive me.  I thought about going to the police, but nobody wants to be the cause of their mother going to jail. My brother ate three Slim Jim and I ate one. My brother fell asleep on the hard floor shortly after, but I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. There were roaches all over the place and it smelled like piss. Why is this happening to me I asked? A couple of hours later a fight broke out between two dope fiends. The female I knew by name.... Candice. The man she was arguing with was unknown to me, but by the time it was all over the man had stabbed Candice in the neck and I knew it was time to get out of there. These are my earliest memories of time spent with my mother.


Zenee wrote me today. She is dying. She has AIDS. The last time I spoke to my mother I had just turned 12 years old. My last words to her were, "Never fucking speak to me again." I gave my WORD to myself that I would never speak to her again as long as I'm alive. My WORD is my BOND and I have never broken it and I'm sure not gonna start now. My family has begged me to make peace with her, but I refuse. My mother is dead to me, but my WORD and my BOND are very much alive.



36) SPIRITUAL



Spiritual is from the future...

At least that's what he believes. Spiritual stands about 5 foot 8 and weighs less than a 135 pounds. He is the color of cinnamon and has two large buck teeth. He arrived to Killer-K from the hole this morning. I've seen Spiritual many times in the yard. He is always carrying a Bible and preaching of the end of days. He's not a very popular dude. I actually sat in the yard and listened to his sermon once, while I was high. It consisted of the usual stuff fire and brimstone type preachers talk about, but then he said something that fucked my high all the way off. Spiritual looked me right in the eye and said,"Brother, it is never too late to repent. We have all sinned. The Father still loves you." Maybe it was the weed fucking with me, but I felt my eyes begin to water up, so I got the fuck out of there quick.
That was the last time I had direct contact with Spiritual.... That is until today. As I was heating my coffee up this morning I watched Spiritual pick up about three cigarette butts off of the floor. I hate to see a nigga down on they luck, so I went into my cell grabbed a pack of Bugler and gave it to him. I went back to my cell to cool out for a while, when I heard a little knock at my cell door. It was Spiritual. I told him to come in and have a seat. I placed the toilet seat cover down and Spiritual sat. We chopped it up for a minute about this and that and then Spiritual dropped the bomb on me. Spiritual told me he is from the future. It took a Hercules like effort not to bust out laughing in his face. Here is what he said. He is from the year 2015, he came back in time to stop an attack/war involving our country. (He was very vague on which. Attack, or war?) The government did something to him so he can't remember what he was sent to do. The attack/war will involve missiles. (Missiles attacking America? You know this nigga is crazy!) The attack/war will happen during the first year of the new millennium, in broad daylight while the whole world watches. I had to stop him right there. If he was really from the future he could answer a few questions for me, right? "Will there be flying cars in the future? What are the power ball numbers for next month? Will McDonald's  finally serve a breakfast sandwich with no pork? Who wins the next four Super Bowls?
What stocks should I buy right now? Who is the President in 2015? Will George Lucas ever finish the Star Wars saga? Did they find a cure for athletes foot? Is Victor Newman still on The Young & The Restless? Where is your time machine?" All these questions and the nigga couldn't answer one. He stuck with his story of the government fucking up his memory. I actually said, "nigga please!" Then spiritual removed his baseball cap and I could see a large circular, surgical scar that started from the front of his hairline and traveled to the left side of his ear. "This is what your government did to me!," he said. My government? I must have pissed him off, because spiritual kind of stomped outta my cell with a little attitude. The more I thought about it the more absurd the shit became to me. Fraction and I smoked a joint after the cell doors closed and talked about "Future boy." Here are all the holes I found in the story. (1) One man can't stop a war/attack. Fraction disagrees. "What if all he had to do was kill one person. The mastermind behind the whole thing," Fraction said. (2) Where is his time machine? "Who said it has to be a machine? What if it was some sort of portal that transported him?" Okay, Fraction was on a roll and pissing me off. So I saved the best for last.
(3) If your from the future and you know this war/attack is gonna happen the first year of the new millennium, why come back to 1996? Why not go straight to the new millennium? Better yet, why not go to December 31, 1999 and bring in the new millennium with the rest of the world?... Fraction had no answer for that one.

Now that I think about it, Spiritual looks to be around 35 years old. That means if Spiritual was 35 years old in 2015 there should be a 16 year old version of him running around somewhere in California as I write this. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell Spiritual he should give his teenage self a call and warn him (16 year old Spiritual that is) about the war/attack. Fraction say I'll go to hell if I fuck with the nigga like that. I'm still high as fuck!

35) C RAT

C Rat got caught by a guard jacking off in his cell again today...

I realize niggas have needs, but C Rat chokes the chicken about 5 times a
day. First off C Rat has priors for whipping his dick out whenever a female guard comes by his cell. At first I thought it funny, but then I got to thinking that maybe the nigga has some kind of mental problem. I've always been under the assumption that women could see a dick and be like "Oh, whatever." Men on the other hand are just the opposite. All I have to see is a hint of some titties and I'm ready to go. Shit, just the other day I jacked off to a picture of Barbara Walters. Why?... Because she had a little cleavage action going on. C Rat and I were the only ones watching TV this morning (music videos) when this beautiful girl in a bikini graces the screen. C Rat is like, "Damn, that bitch is bad!" I definitely had to agree with him. And then he said, "Yo, Hype don't turn the TV. I'll be right back. I'm about to go fuck that bitch." This nigga saw a bitch for 15 seconds and now he's going to jack off to her. That's crazy, but that's C Rat. Dudes that have priors for flashing female guards, caught jerking off by a female guard, or saying anything sexual to a female guard are required to wear a red card around their necks. Needless to say, C Rat has one of these cards. The story goes that C Rat was caught masturbating by female guards so much that not only does he have to wear the red card, but he is also not allowed to place his hands in his pockets around female guards either. Now I've seen C Rat do some freaky shit. For example, sniffing the
chair a female guard has recently occupied. Licking the lipstick stained coffee cup a female guard has just thrown away, and the list goes on. But nothing tops the story that Killer Boom told me about C Rat. Apparently, C Rat had a huge crush on a female guard that worked in the kitchen of the chow hall. C Rat was a kitchen worker and had been caught several times by this woman stroking the Alabama Black Snake. One morning, several guard including this female guard had all the morning kitchen workers seated in the chow hall. They explained to the inmates new rules regarding the handling of knives. For obvious reasons this woman officer tended to avoid direct eye contact with C Rat. C Rat played it cool and listened attentively, but something kept distracting her. It was C Rat... C Rat was tapping his his right foot up and down, as if he was listening to a B.B. King song. This must have annoyed her, because she motioned for a male guard to come in. She said something to the guard and the guard asked C Rat to come with him into the hallway. Outside, in the hallway Boom said he saw the guard frisk C Rat. He then asked C Rat to remove his shoes. He still found nothing. That is until C Rat was asked to remove his socks also. What they found is something so
funny that I can barely write this without laughing my ass off. C Rat had tied a piece of dental floss around the big toe of his right foot and ran it up his leg where he tied it off on his dick. His dick! Only a crazy person would think of some shit like that. C Rat is the only person I have ever heard of that found a way to jack his dick off with his foot. There really is a thin line between genius and crazy... That's it for now, they're about to do mail call...

34) NIGGER OR NIGGA

I use the word "nigga" a lot... 

I mean a whole lot! If I see Budd in the morning I usually say, "What up my nigga?" If I feel a person is pulling my leg about something I'll usually call him on it by saying, "Nigga please!" If a person looks out for me in any way, let's say by sliding me a free joint, I'll usually hit him with a, "My nigga!" If I see someone I fuck with (No Homo) doing something stupid I'll drop a, "nigga?".....You get the picture. 


Today Budd asked me why I use the word Nigga so much. Actually Budd didn't use the word nigga he said, "The n-word." So I fucked with him and asked him what word was he talking about. I said, "neodymium, nonproliferation, numismatics. I could have gone on and on, but Budd was getting a little irritated with me. The reason I think I use the word nigga so much is simple.... It makes white people uncomfortable. There, I said it. The truth is, the word nigga doesn't bother the majority of my generation. At least inside of our circle. Black men call each other nigga in an endearing way behind closed doors and no one blinks an eye. I know black lawyers, black doctors and a black city council member who use the word nigga in private. Now in a public setting I tend to be more politically correct. I believe it's your surroundings that dictate your speech and mannerism. Your work persona is different than your at home persona. The way you speak to an elder is different than the way you'd speak to a peer closer to your age. And so on, and so on. 
The reason I'm getting all of this off my chest is because of the conversation I had with an older dude named Marcus X. Marcus X overheard Budd and I talking and decided to put his two cents in. Marcus X said that the word Nigga is used by ignorant Black folk, (I'm almost positive that was directed towards me.) who don't understand their culture. He then went on and on about how the white man stole our identity, how the white man replaced our African names with white European names, blah, blah, blah, blah... I'd heard enough. " Nigga, you sound like an idiot!" "All of this coming from a nigga who's last name is Fieldhand." Oh, I wasn't through yet. "Yeah nigga, I'm there when they give out the mail and call out your name." "If my last name was Fieldhand I'd change it too, but I'd be a little more original than X." 
The truth is I understand the plight of the black man in America. What happened to my people is the single greatest tragedy in human history, but don't think it all started with the white man. Let's not forget that black Egyptians enslaved black Israelites. Let's not forget that Africans were enslaved by Islamic Arabs from about the 9th century to the 19th century and all of this before the white man got involved. To quote my nigga Big Rob, "Shit happens, deal with it and keep it pushing. That's the breaks, nigga!" I'm over it, are you?

Deuteronomy 28:36

The Lord will bring you and the king whom you set over you to a nation which neither you nor your fathers have known,and there you shall serve other gods-wood and stone. And you shall become an astonishment, a proverb and a byword among all nations where the Lord will drive you.

Deuteronomy 28:41
You shall begat sons and daughters, but they shall not be yours, for they shall go into captivity.

Deuteronomy 30:1-3
Now it shall come to pass, when all these things come upon you, the blessing and the curse which I have set before you, and you call them to mind among all the nations where the Lord your God drive you, and you return to the Lord your God and obey His voice, according to all that I command you today, you and your children, with all your heart and with all your soul, that the Lord your God will bring you back from captivity, and have compassion on you, and gather you again from all the nations where the Lord your God has scattered you.


33) THE STORY OF SMOOCH

In my whole life I've only told two women outside of relatives, "I love you." 


Budd asked me something today that intrigued me. He asked, "If it was only you and one other women left in the world, Would you want it to be... (A), a women that loved you, but you didn't love her, or (B), a women you loved that didn't love you?" Sherri M. Morales (AKA Smooch) was the love of my life. I say WAS, because no women is gonna wait ten years for a nigga.In 1989 when I met Smooch I was still 7 months away from my 21st birthday. I was getting my drink on at the NCO club with niggas from my unit. My man Perry stepped into the club with the flyest honey I'd ever seen! He introduced us and I was speechless. Her name was Sherri. Unfortunately I didn't get to shoot the gift at her that night, because this skinny ass chicken head had been sweating your boy all night. Don't ask me how I got stuck with wing man duty for Mac, but the nigga was gonna owe me big for this one. I cornered my man Perry later that night at Denny's and asked about Sherri. He assured me they were just friends. Cool! That's all I needed to hear. By the time I got around to shooting my game a nigga named Mark Bell had already had her on lock. So I did what any real player would do... I respected the game and kept it pushing. Now Mark and I had a history on the Army base. It seems that Mark and I were seeing at least two of the same women. I know for a fact that as I was leaving a bitch's crib once Mark was pulling up. I even waited to see which apartment he was going to and sure enough it was the one I had just left. I hope he didn't kiss her that night. Months went by without seeing Sherri and I heard that she had went back to Texas. I tried to put her out of my mind but I couldn't. A few weeks before my 21st birthday I was at the mall about to get my shop on when I saw HER. I knew it was her instantly! She was in a men's store shopping. I went into the store and our eyes met, but I knew at that moment she didn't recognize me. Time to improvise, Hype. I went right up to her and asked her if there was anything I could help her with. She told me she was looking for an outfit for her boyfriend. (I knew it was that nigga Mark.) So I played the role and helped her pick out about three outfits. Now, during all this time I'm flirting with her and hitting her with all my best, but this girl would not cave in. If it's possible I think this made her even more attractive to me. She finally went to pay for the gear that I picked out for her. When she went to the cashier she told the salesman she wanted me to get the commission. That nigga looked at her crazy. When she finally figured out that I didn't work there she busted out laughing and said the words that made me fall in love with her. "Michael!" So, she did remember me! I finally talked her into buying me a milkshake at Baskin Robbins, for helping her pick out the outfit. We kicked it and talked for almost an hour. To my amazement we had a lot in common. Books, music and movies. And she never smirked when I flexed my vocabulary. You'd be amazed at how many niggas think you're some kind of punk for speaking proper. (Black people, please stop associating talking proper with being white.) Anyway, after all was said and done I asked her if she needed a ride home. She hit me with the, "Nigga you cute, but you ain't no Denzel" look. I got the picture crystal clear. Over the course of the next few weeks I would bump into her constantly. 4th of July weekend we were all at the NCO club getting our party on. The placed was packed! My whole crew was there, getting our drink on and fucking with every civilian broad that crossed our path. On my way to the bar I spotted Mark in a secluded corner making cozy with a thick ass red bone. I couldn't help but laugh. At the bar I placed my order and saw my main man Dee Love enter with a little fly bitch named Sharon. I knew Dee had been spitting at her for a few weeks, but now it looked liked it had finally paid off. We acknowledged each other form across the room with a little head tilt and then Dee held up three fingers and made a jester. Basically what Dee said was, "Get me three Long Island Iced teas" and my next three drinks were on him. Cool, I wasn't tripping and the club was packed. And then it hit me, this nigga said three drinks, but It's just him and Sharon... And then she appeared. Sherri! Sherri was with them. I paid for the drinks and asked a waitress named, Donna (who happened to be fucking my main man, Bilal) could she bring the drinks over to my table. She looked at me like I just wiped my dick across her grilled cheese sandwich, so I gave her a five spot and said please. When I got to the table, Sherri was seated with Sharon, whom I found out was her cousin. She got the whole table laughing by telling the "Mall Story." By the end of the night I knew she was feeling your boy, but none of that mattered because she left with Mark. I hadn't figured it out yet, but I knew Sherri was gonna be mine when all was said and done.