63) Nigga, You Trippin!

There's a cricket in my cell... Maybe it's in the wall. It won't stop chirping and the mother fucker is driving me crazy. I can't even pinpoint where exactly the mother fucker is at. When the shift changes I'm gonna flood my cell with the water from the toilet. That should flush it out... Get it?... Flush it out. I'm tripping... I mean I'm really tripping!

A couple of hours ago I could have sworn I saw my dead grandmother. I'm not talking like "saw her in a dream" type shit. I mean I saw her while I was fully awake. She was standing inside my cell, directly in front of the cell door. She had on grey slacks, those black nurse shoes with the thick rubber soles and a black blouse with a flower pattern on it. She was looking at me with that, "Baby, what have you gotten yourself into look."

Logically I tried to explain what I was seeing, based on on my physical state. Lack of sleep ( due to the fucking cricket chirping all the time), lack of food (due to the fact that I can barely open my mouth), and lack of light (I remember reading somewhere that light deprivation causes depression). I know my grandmother is dead and what I was seeing was not real, but I could not take my eyes off of what I was seeing. I even muttered under my breath, "Your not real."

She just stood there not saying a word and suddenly I became ashamed. This was a shame of Biblical proportion. I could feel my eyes watering up, but I refused to let the tears fall... It was as if I had let her down somehow. I whispered between my teeth that I was sorry and she answered me back... Her words?...


"Hold your head high, child. A wonderful life awaits you."

Instantly I felt this calm come upon me. And then she was gone. As I write this, goose bumps engulf my entire body. Someone, or something... pure and beautiful, outside of this realm of existence is watching over me. I feel it and believe with my entire being!

I've decided to leave the cricket alone. Suddenly the sound has become soothing to me.

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