Ten years in a high security federal prison is hard time. Either it makes you a monster, or it breaks you down like a shotgun. Here is my personal, unedited journal of what I've witnessed at Lompoc Federal Penitentiary.
Why the hell did I give that nigga my word that I'd stick with it? I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 229 pounds. (Actually the scale wouldn't make up it's mind. It teetered between 229 and 230 so I rounded down.)
Officer Thatch has been acting really funny around me for the last couple of days. "Funny" as in "nice." (No homo.) I'm not the only one to notice it. Fraction mentioned it to me Tuesday. Today he came to my cell with a screenplay he'd written. He handed it to me and said, "I heard about the movie you wrote." I had no idea what he was talking about, so I shook my head and smiled. Officer Thatch continued, "Tommy Boy, is one of my all time favorite movies. It's fucked up they stole your script, but if you look on the bright side you have plenty of time to turn out a real master piece. If you could just read over my script and tell me what you think I'd really appreciate it." I told him I would, and he left my cell all smiles... Okay, now this shit is getting out of hand!
For the last couple of days I've been working out with the weights. At first I really didn't know where to begin, but there was this nigga named Jr. that worked out at the same time as me and he offered to let me ride in his car. I've seen some huge niggas in my day, (No homo.) but not like Jr. Jr. is one of those black ass, cornbread fed, country niggas. You wouldn't see him in the Mr. Universe contest, but you could see him in one of those "Worlds Strongest Man competitions." Jr. totally dwarfs me. He said he is 6 foot 6, but I really believe he is taller by at least 2 inches. He weighs over 320lbs. and this nigga is BLACK! And to top it off he's got jacked up teeth and a James Brown perm. Put it this way, If
Mike Tyson was driving down the street and stopped for a red light... if he saw Jr. crossing the street towards him he would hit his power lock quick fast and a hurry! Jr. looks like the human version of Magilla Gorilla.
Now don't get me wrong, to me, Jr. is a good dude and a hell of a work out partner, but this morning Killer Boom put a bug in my ear that fucked me up. Apparently Jr. is gay and behind his back (A person would be committing suicide to disrespect Jr. to his face.) they call him "The Top Ramen Man." I have no problem with gay people, but in the pen people judge you by the company you keep... Anyway, the way Boom told the story, Jr. is not just gay, he is a sexual predator. When you hear sexual predator the first thing that comes to mind is someone getting their asshole taken from them by knife point. Not the case with Jr. What Jr. does is gain your confidence and when you lest expect it he puts you in a choke hold until you loose consciousness... And then he fucks you in the ass, right?... WRONG! After Jr.
renders you unconscious he pulls your pants down and sprinkles your dick with the seasoning pack found inside the Top Ramen and sucks your dick until you come to. (No Homo.) I've decided to forgo the weights and try my luck on the pull up bar.